PLAN B

Ol’ Frenchie Mosone got drunk on stinky pink wine he bought off Ma Guiteau about a mile up on Bayou Dubidoux. Ma had run out of fixins’ on that batch and added a little rubbing alcohol and some blackstrap molasses to help kill the smell. Frenchie drank a half gallon, went crazier than a fruit orchard boar, ate dirt, developed bull-head diarrhea, and barked at the moon until the High Sheriff of the Parish locked him up real tight in the Shinnebonne Parrish jail.

On the third day, the High Sheriff cut him loose and Frenchie come on out of there in a very serious, sour frame of mind. He made three pipe bombs from some firecrackers left over from the Fourth and set out back up the bayou to do in Ma Guiteau, carrying the three explosive devices in a gunnysack he stole from DeBeau’s Store.

Frenchie came upon Joe Billy Chunchette, sitting on the bank, hoping to be the first human to ever catch a crawfish on a hook, and sipping at a bottle of genuine Golden Arm fine muscatel wine, the preference of winos in forty-nine of fifty states – there are no winos in Colorado because they get free marijuana. Billy Joe thereupon took a seat, took several slugs of muscatel, took a nap, and then a ‘gator sprang forth and took him and Joe Billy Chunchette well up Bayou Dubidoux as guests for lunch. Of course, they were the main course.

One hour later, LeBeef and Rochambeau, came walking along Bayou Dubidoux. Rochambeau, being far more intelligent than LeBeef, exclaimed. “By good golly, LeBeef, rat’ there be a brand new gunny sack.” Forthwith, he laid possession to said sack and found it contained three pipe bombs.

LeBeef studied the sack intensely. “Rochambeau, we’d best take these to the High Sheriff. Dey may be a cash re-ward.”

“LeBeef, dat cash be better than money.” Rochambeau hoisted the gunnysack over a shoulder and made for the Shinnebonne Parish Courthouse.

“What if one go off, Rochambeau. Here lemme carry one separate.”

“LeBeef, sometime you are so dumb as dirt, boy.”

“What chu’ mean?”

“Listen fool, one go off, we tell ‘um we only found two.”

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